I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
