it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
