my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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