just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
