is your mom at the bar?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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