5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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