So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
