Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
a search helicopter?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
