Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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