Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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