I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
