k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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