you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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