too bad you live with your parents still
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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