I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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