physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize