I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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