mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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