You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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