She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
