Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...