O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just gift wrapped bread.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.