You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
