my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.