He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?