smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.