if you like me you must not know who I am
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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