Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
