Can i not drive my cunt home
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
