Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
