thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
