he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
