The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize