Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
