i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
