ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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