I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
