I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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