hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize