Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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