whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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