it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
