What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
