Soap is not a condiment
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
