God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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