I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
