chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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