Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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