I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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