just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
