I need help removing her.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
