I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
me + whiskey = a bad person
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
