I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think people are normalizing furries
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
