yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The power of my boobs compel you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
