Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
