Can Purell be used as lube?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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