So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
