I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
