Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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