everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
