I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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