i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
