I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My dick has a subreddit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
