i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
