hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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