I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
