my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
