She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize