I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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