apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
