i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You can't just leave with hair like that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
