Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
