glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
