We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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