When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
