Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
