Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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