i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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