That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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