He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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