The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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