jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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