Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
