soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
