Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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