i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
