hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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